


i'm actually good (can't help it if we're tilted)

by ReedBalloon



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Pacific Rim
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 21:25:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14529489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReedBalloon/pseuds/ReedBalloon
Summary: “Clarke, this is Alexandria Woods, just arrived from the Jaeger program in Panama. Alexandria, this is Clarke Griffin, previously the pilot of Jester Ox.”The previously made it burn a little. “What’s going on?” she said again.“I’ve brought you both here because I believe you would be compatible to pilot a Jaeger.”Clarke reluctantly gets a new pilot.





	i'm actually good (can't help it if we're tilted)

“I don’t want to do this.”

“Really?” Anya rolled her eyes from where she was throwing clothes into a suitcase. “You should have mentioned.”

“Well I’m mentioning it again.”

Lexa sat cross legged on her bed, staring resolutely at the unpacked suitcase. Anya considered stuffing her in it until she came to her senses that refusal wasn’t an option.

“I don’t want to go to Russia.” Lexa’s petulant look hadn’t changed since Anya met her eleven years ago, thirteen years old and ready to fight anyone on anything. “It’s cold.”

“I have heard those rumours.”

“I want to stay here.”

“And do what?” Anya kept her voice level, as she always did despite being annoyed, never shouting, not at Lexa. “You’ve ran out of people to drift with.”

“You?”

Anya shook her head. “Sorry kid, the only person getting in this head is the court ordered therapist.”

She looked at Lexa, still glaring at the suitcase like it was its fault they were banished to Russia instead of her own.

“Look.” Anya tried to soften her voice. “I know you feel like you’re being punished. But you’re good at what you do. The best, even. But it’s wasted here if you can’t drift with anyone.” This time Anya gave into her impulses and threw the suitcase at Lexa. “Now stop being a brat and pack. It’s a fucking long way to Russia and if you’re going to moan the whole time it’s going to feel like longer.”

//

Raven was still not awake, and Clarke resolved to stare at her until she was. The doctors said she was recovering, explanations about large amounts of trauma and intensive surgery. They said she would wake soon, but soon wasn’t now so, in Clarke’s mind, was therefore unacceptable.

People came and went. Octavia, telling Clarke she should rest, that Raven wasn’t going anywhere and sitting vigil wasn’t helping either of them. Bellamy, insisting that he can take over watching if Clarke wanted to eat or sleep or shower.

But she ignored them, and watched Raven’s steady breaths and listened to the beeping of the heart monitor and absolutely refused to move.

“Clarke.” Her mother’s voice jolted her, unexpected despite working in the hospital they were in. “Staring wont wake her up.”

“You’ve always been a good doctor, mom.” Her voice was a little croaky from not speaking for a while.

Abby touched her shoulder gently. “She will be okay.”

“So everyone keeps telling me.”

“How are you?”

“Fine.”

It was a lie, and Clarke suspected her mom knew. The sound of the Kaiju hitting their Jaeger was still fresh in her mind. The sound of Raven screaming as metal went through her back.

Her mother sat with her for a little bit, not speaking but a comforting presence Clarke allowed herself.

It took another three days for Raven to wake up. When she did she looked at Clarke, her eyes filled with fear, and said she couldn’t feel her leg.

//

It took two months to get from Panama to Vladivostok, where the Russian Shatterdome was waiting for them. A lot of stops, a lot of collecting people and supplies, and a lot of Lexa taking every opportunity to remind Anya she was very against the move.

She understood. Many people had explained it to her. No one would drift with her, and the one that did now refused to. If she could have convinced Anya to join the Ranger program then that would solve the problem, Lexa being certain that they would be compatible. But Anya refused.

Lexa was secretly glad that Anya was coming with her, despite being under no official obligation. But both would be uncomfortable with that admission, so Lexa settled with frequently complaining about the subarctic conditions.

“Subarctic,” Anya snorted. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

But it was fucking cold when they disembarked, and by the time they walked into the Shatterdome and the relative warmth even Anya looked set to complain.

They were greeted and shown to where they were staying, a moderately sized room with two beds and a double wardrobe. Luxury compared to Lexa's cot and set of drawers at Panama. If only it wasn't in Russia.

Anya knocked her shoulder against Lexa’s.

“Cheer up, Lex,” she said, “What’s the worst that can happen?”

//

Clarke sat resolutely outside the room where Raven was learning to walk again. Raven had refused to let anyone into physiotherapy with her, so Clarke compromised by sitting in the seat by the door for two and a half hours and waiting for Raven to come out. She always did so looking sweaty and annoyed, sometimes tinged with triumph, sometimes with annoyance. But each time, the same day ever week, Clarke would wait and walk back to their shared room.

There was still twenty minutes to go when Octavia came to sit next to her. She looked at the door, no doubt thinking the same as Clarke, wondering what it was like for a Ranger who had to learn to walk again.

“Kane wants to see you,” she said.

“Why?”

Octavia shrugged. “I just carry the messages.”

“Raven’s still got twenty minutes.”

“I can wait for her.”

“But-”

“He seemed insistent that it was now, Clarke.”

Clarke didn’t look at her when she stood, tired of seeing pity or worry in her friends’ faces, and walked to Kane’s office. When she got there she didn’t bother knocking, walking straight in and seeing a young woman staring the pictures that adorned Kane’s wall.

“Oh,” Clarke said, not expecting to see anyone else. “Hi.”

The girl didn’t smile, just looked at Clarke up and down. Any other time Clarke might have taken the effort to notice how pretty she was, but at this point she was tired and just wanted to know what Marcus wanted so she could go back to Raven.

The girl looked like she was about to speak when the door opened and Kane walked in. She snapped her mouth shut.

“Oh good, you’re both here,” Kane said, rounding his desk and gesturing to the two chairs in front of it. “Sit. Do you want water?”

“What’s this about, Marcus?” Clarke said. The girl looked sharply sideways at her.

“So that’s a no for the water?”

He was fixed with two looks and smiled. “Okay,” he said, “Clarke, this is Alexandria Woods, just arrived from the Jaeger program in Panama. Alexandria, this is Clarke Griffin, previously the pilot of Jester Ox.”

The previously made it burn a little. “What’s going on?” she said again.

“I’ve brought you both here because I believe you would be compatible to pilot a Jaeger.”

Clarke stood up so quickly Woods jumped and then fixed her with a look of annoyance. “I already have a co-pilot.”

“Clarke.”

“I already have a Jaeger.”

“Jester’s going to take a long time to be useable again. And Raven.” Marcus sighed. “Clarke, we both know Raven isn’t going to be getting into a Jaeger again.”

“So you’re kicking her out!”

“Sit down, Clarke.”

“Answer me.”

“Sit down.” He adopted his official voice, not the voice of someone Clarke had known since she was a child. Clarke didn’t sit, feeling eyes fixed on her but not looking. “Raven began in the engineering program, and that’s where she’ll return.”

She didn’t wait to hear the rest of his explanation. Instead she stormed out, slamming the office door behind her.

//

When Clarke stalked into her room Octavia was lounging against Raven’s headboard. She looked up when Clarke threw open the door, raising an eyebrow and dropping the book she was reading.

“What’s up?”

“Where’s Raven?”

“Gone to get food.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. “Alone?”

“Clarke,” Octavia said, careful and tired. “She has her brace and crutches. She’s not an invalid and can make a trip to the kitchen and back.”

“She has to carry…”

“She wanted to go, Clarke. You’ve gotta stop fussing.”

Clarke scowled a little. “I don’t fuss.”

“Yeah you do,” Octavia smiled. “But we love you for it. What did Kane want?”

“Nothing.”

“Clarke.”

Clarke sighed. “He wants to assign me a new co-pilot.” Octavia was silent. “I already have one.”

Octavia sat up, seemingly weighing her words. Clarke scowled in preparation. “Who was it?” she asked, instead of giving her the same speech Kane had.

“Some girl from Panama. Alexandria Woods.” Octavia’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You know her?”

“Not personally. Lincoln’s mentioned her though. Served with her.”

“She’s military?”

“She was. Served with Lincoln about four years ago. Then just quit one day.”

“Why?”

Octavia shrugged. “No one really knows. Some mission went wrong apparently. Her team was meant to distract a Kaiju while a Jaeger got there, but a village got destroyed.”

“I don’t know why she’s been shipped here.”

“For you apparently.”

Clarke snorted. She looked at the mess of the room she shared with Raven, not enough inclination or time in either of their schedules to actually clean. “I already have a pilot,” she said quietly. Octavia sighed but didn’t respond.

//

“Clarke.” The soft voice stopped Clarke from walking down the corridor from her room. She’d spent the night eating and drinking with Octavia and Raven, not mentioning the new Jaeger or co-pilot again, and didn’t want to start thinking of it now.

But Alexandria Woods was walking towards her down the empty corridor, her brow furrowed and her eyes determined.

“Alexandria,” Clarke greeted.

“Lexa.” She said, “I prefer Lexa.”

Clarke nodded. “What do you want?”

“Marcus Kane explained to me what happened to you and your co-pilot.” Clarke’s face hardened. “I saw it, on the news in Panama. It was very impressive.”

“Impressive?” Clarke took a small step forward.

“No. That’s the wrong word.” Lexa held out a placating hand. She had a light accent, so subtle that Clarke found it hard to place. “I just mean. If the two of you were any less skilled, you both would have died.”

“So we got off lucky?”

Lexa shook her head. “As I said. It was skill.”

Clarke snorted in disbelief and went to turn away but Lexa said her name again and she stopped.

“I don’t want another pilot,” she said.

“And I understand that. But, what will you do if you don’t?”

Clarke didn’t quite have an answer for that. Instead she just glared. Lexa took a breath, looking away from her for a second before speaking again.

“I would like it if we tried,” she said finally.

“Why?”

“Kane thinks we would be good together.”

Clarke snorted. “What does Kane know?”

“You.”

“You don’t, though.”

“That’s true. Though I can learn.”

Clarke surveyed her, with her neat pressed clothes and furrowed brow. “Are you here to beg me to drift with you, Lexa?”

“I wouldn’t say beg. Ask. For you to try, at least.”

“Why did you get sent here?”

Lexa sighed, looking a little uncomfortable but not losing the confident stance. “I think it was their attempt at trying something new.”

“Have you ever drifted before?”

“Not really.”

“Why?”

“No one would drift with me. So I was sent here.” It was said without inflection, and Clarke raised her eyebrows.

“Why would no one drift with you?”

“I was not,” Lexa seemed to try to find the right word. “Liked.” Clarke couldn’t help but laugh and Lexa smiled a little. “I didn’t mind,” she said sincerely. “I didn’t join the academy to become the most popular Ranger.”

“Why did you join?”

“To save the world of course,” she said, with a wide cocky grin that had Clarke smiling with her.

“Of course.”

“When I left the army - I was in the army.”

“I know.” Lexa squinted in confusion. “My friends dating Lincoln,” Clarke explained.

“Oh.” Lexa smiled a little again. “I like Lincoln. When I left the army there wasn’t much else I could think to do. I’m good, Clarke. Very good.”

“And yet no one would drift with you.”

Lexa shrugged. “Someone did, once. But afterwards they wouldn’t do it again.”

“You know, you’re not very good at convincing me.”

“I’m telling you the truth. You’d only discover it later, anyway.”

Clarke was a little endeared, though refused to admit it. She was smiling and promptly stopped lest Lexa get the wrong impression.

“Look, I’m sorry that you got shipped from what I’m sure was a lovely warm place to the literal ice plains, but I’m not going to jump into a Jaeger with you.” If she was disappointed, Lexa didn’t show it, just continued watching Clarke with the same careful gaze. “I’m sorry.”

She turned and walked away.

//

Lexa threw herself on Anya’s bed, the back of her head colliding hard with Anya’s thigh.

Anya grunted, trying but failing to push Lexa off her, “What was that for?”

“Your stupid advice.”

“You have a very hard head, do you know that.” Lexa lifted her head again and flopped it back down. “What stupid advice?”

“Be honest with Clarke Griffin and maybe she’ll understand, Lex.” Lexa’s impression of her was bad. “Well, she didn’t.”

“How honest where you?”

“I told her that no one would drift with me so I was sent here.”

Anya sighed. She gave up trying to push her away and tapped her on the forehead. “That’s not true.”

“Yes it is. I don’t mind, Anya.”

Anya knew she did, a little bit. “What did she say?”

“That she doesn’t want another pilot. That she has Raven. And I understand, I do. If it was you.” Lexa looked at her, sitting up when Anya shifted uncomfortably. She spun so she was sitting next to her, leaning against the wall. “Kane says there’s no one else. That if Clarke won’t drift with me there’s nothing to be done. And then what? I can’t exactly go back to the army.”

If Anya was honest with herself, and she’d never say it out loud, not to anyone, but if she could put Lexa to live out her life somewhere safe and out of harm, she would do it in a heartbeat. But fighting was so deeply ingrained, had been since the moment Anya took one look at the fierce and scared thirteen year old and decided that she would protect her, that to Lexa that would be worse than dying.

“Come on.” She whacked Lexa’s legs, “Stop moping. We’re still here, let’s go make the most of it before your unlikable personality gets us ostracised even further.” Lexa scowled.

“Go where?”

“Kwoon Room. I know I always feel better after I’ve kicked your ass for a little bit.”

//

“Griffin.” Raven flung the door open, her injury obviously not effecting her dramatic fare, “You better hope you didn’t do the stupid thing Octavia told me you did.”

Clarke sat up from where she was unsuccessfully trying to nap. “What?”

“You got offered another pilot.”

“I said no.”

Raven tossed one of her crutches at Clarke, hitting her shin and making her sulk. “That’s the stupid thing.”

Clarke rubbed her leg, tossing the crutch back at Raven as she sat on her own bed. “I have a pilot.”

“Clarke,” Raven said in that tone Clarke was tired of hearing. “I’m not getting back in a Jaeger.”

“But-.”

“No,” Raven said firmly. She knocked her fist on her brace. “It sucks. But it happened. And now we have to be okay with that. Kane has offered me a job with the engineers and I’m going to take it.”

“Job doing what?”

“Working on Jaegers. Yours, if you’re lucky.”

Of course Clarke understood that Raven’s career as a ranger was probably over, had known since Raven woke and stared in panic as the doctors tested her reactions. But Clarke had started in a Jaeger with Raven and was meant to end in a Jaeger with Raven, whether that was killed by a Kaiju or fighting their last one before the breach closed.

“Is it more than that?” Raven asked, her voice soft. “You don’t want to pilot again?”

“No, that’s…” Clarke took a breath.

“If you don’t, that’s okay. Figure that out. But don’t use me as an excuse.”

“I do. I think.”

“You can’t be unsure about something like that.”

“I don’t even know the girl Kane stuck me with.”

“Octavia tells me she’s a soldier.”

“Yeah. Got sent here because no one in her old place would drift with her.”

“No one?”

“She wasn’t liked, apparently.”

Raven started smiling. “So they sent her to you?”

“I don’t know what they thought I’d do with her.”

“Is she hot?”

“Irrelevant.”

“Because Octavia says she’s hot.”

Clarke scowled. “I don’t like the idea of letting someone who isn’t you into my head.”

“Then get to know her, maybe.”

“Maybe.”

“Me, you, and an unpopular soldier,” Raven grinned. “Dream team.”

//

The sound of fighting came from the Kwoon Room, and when Clarke entered she saw Lexa and another girl sparing with padded spears. They whirled around each other, as in sync as most compatible pilots, and traded blows, twin sets of determination of their faces.

Until Lexa saw Clarke, and her face changed to surprise, giving the other girl the opening to whack her on the back of the head.

“Ow!” Lexa dropped her stick and glared. “Anya!”

Anya was smirking, and it grew when she glanced over at Clarke. She said something in Lexa’s ear, something which made her blush.

Clarke figured she may as well approach them. “You okay, Lexa?”

Lexa was rubbing the back of her head and still scowling. Anya said something in another language, Clarke thought maybe German, and Lexa blushed even more and pushed her away.

“What?” Clarke asked.

“I just told her that it’s a good job the Kaiju aren’t pretty girls, otherwise she’d stand no chance.”

Lexa shoved her hard, blushing even more at Clarke’s wide grin.

“Shut up, Anya.”

Anya laughed. “Right, well, I’ll leave you two to chat.” There was a meaningful look exchanged that Clarke couldn’t quite read, and she nodded to Clarke as she passed.

Clarke looked back at Lexa who had schooled her expression as was no longer pink.

“Have you come to reconsider?” she said.

Clarke shrugged. “Actually I just came to hit stuff. Didn’t know you’d be here.”

“Lucky you.”

Lexa picked up the stick that Anya had dropped, holding it out the Clarke.

“You want to spar?” Clarke said.

“It will be a good test to see if we’re compatible.”

She hesitated, but took the stick. “You’re annoyingly persistent, you know that?”

Lexa nodded, stepping back and looking serious. “I’ve been told.”

//

They were equally matched. Some might say that Lexa was better, but Clarke would claim to her dying breath that they were equally matched.

Lexa fought with an intensity that was almost distracting. They moved around each other a little too easily for Clarke’s comfort, and after a while of sparing and neither landing hits she backed off and held her hand up.

“Okay,” she said, acting like breathing wasn’t difficult for her, “I get it. You’re good at this.”

“The best.”

“I’m starting to get a handle on why people didn’t like you.” Clarke grinned to let Lexa know she was kidding, but Lexa didn’t seem phased anyway, just shrugged with her own small smile. “And you didn’t land a hit.”

“I was going easy on you.”

“Stuff like that doesn’t just come from the academy.”

There were moves in her fighting that Clarke didn’t know. It spoke of previous experience, or at least different.

“Anya taught me a lot,” Lexa said. She was sweating but having a much easier time breathing. Clarke wondering if it would look weak to lie down for a bit. “And I learnt some things in the army.”

“Anya is…”

“My friend.”

Apparently that was all Clarke was getting, as she was just fixed with a stare instead. “O-kay. Well, we’ve established you’re a good fighter.”

“I told you that.”

They’d gained an audience without Clarke realising. Bellamy had been teaching a class at the side and had stopped to watch.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Here we go,” she muttered. Lexa frowned at Clarkes grin.

“What…?”

“Have I taught you nothing?” Bellamy came over, smiling at Clarke and then at Lexa. “She beat you way too easily.”

“She didn’t land a hit.” Clarke would cling to that for some time. She turned to Lexa. “Have you met Bellamy?”

Lexa shook her head. Bellamy held out a hand to shake and she eyed it warily before clasping it.

“Bellamy’s one of the trainers here,” Clarke said.

“Right.” Lexa’s eyes flickered between the two of them, the small look of confusion Clarke was getting used to on her face. “I’m Lexa.”

“I know. Kane wanted me to find you two, actually. Something about wanting answers.”

He looked at Clarke a little questioningly, but she just shrugged, said she’d explain later. “Tell him he can come find me himself.” Lexa’s confused look only deepened.

Bellamy snorted. “I’ll let you do that. Anyway, message passed. Best get back to training the future heroes. I’ll maybe see you two at training at some point.” He squeezed Clarke’s shoulder and nodded once at Lexa, before going back to his group.

Clarke watched him go fondly, and turned back to Lexa looking at her with narrowed eyes.

“What?”

“Are you always so informal with the people of importance on the base?”

“I am a person of importance on the base.”

“Clarke.”

“I grew up here. It’s not informality, it’s just I know them. Bellamy grew up here too.”

Lexa nodded slowly, absorbing the information. “And Kane?”

Clarke grimaced a little. “He’s married to my mother.”

Lexa chuckled, and Clarke shot her a look that made her clam up. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it’s funny. It’s just, your face. You don’t like him?”

“He’s fine. It’s whatever.”

Lexa just nodded. “It appears he wants an answer.”

Clarke thought about Raven, sitting back in their room and flicking through old engineering notes, trying to remember whatever she may have forgotten in their four years. She looked at Lexa, watching her a little curiously, not pushing her to speak but waiting for what she would say.

“Fuck it,” she murmured. “Let’s try this. What’s the worst that can happen?”

Lexa didn’t smile, but her lips did quirk and Clarke could swear she bounced a little onto her heels.

//

“Get to know each other,” Kane said when Clarke and Lexa went to inform him of their decision, “And we’ll practice a drift soon.”

“That’s it?” Clarke said. Kane didn’t even look up, just continued to read whatever was in the file he was so absorbed by. “Considering you were so eager for this, that’s not the reaction I expected.”

Lexa was silent beside her and shifted slightly. She looked uncomfortable. If she was having problems with Clarke’s lack of respect for authority now then things weren’t going to get better.

“What reaction were you hoping for?” Kane looked up.

“The beginning of a Mexican wave, at least.”

“There’s only three of us.”

“A very short Mexican wave.”

Kane smiled, looking tired and fond. “I’ll schedule you both a chance in the simulator. Until then, get to know each other. If there’s any secrets you know will be exposed, either tell them soon or get ready for them to come out.” His eyes flickered to Lexa, who fidgeted again and glanced sideways at Clarke.

“Fine,” Clarke said, “But next time I do you a favour you’d better be more emotive.”

“Not quite a favour, but I’ll bear that in mind.”

Lexa exited the office when Clarke did, and they both stood awkwardly in the corridor.

“So,” Clarke said, drawing it out. “We have to get to know each other.”

“I heard.”

“So we should hang out?”

“I guess.”

“Don’t get too excited, Lexa.”

“And tell any secrets.”

“That can come later,” Clarke smiled. “What do you like to do?”

Lexa looked stumped at the question. “What do you like to do?” she countered.

Clarke was aware she was in no better position to answer than Lexa was. “There’s a party later,” she tried.

“Party?”

“Gathering,” Clarke corrected, seeing Lexa’s look of disgust. “My friends have a kind of monthly gathering. You should come.”

“With your friends?”

“Yes.”

“You do remember me saying people don’t like me.”

“I like you.”

Lexa snorted. “Sure.”

“These are my friends. We’re very welcoming people. And if not, I’ll make them.” Lexa looked on the way to refuse. “We have to hang out, remember,” Clarke said. “Captains orders.”

Lexa’s need to obey authority must have won against her dislike for other humans, and she nodded.

//

Clarke hadn’t anticipated just how bad Lexa was with others. The party wasn’t huge but wasn’t small, little groups breaking off and talking amongst themselves. Lexa had taken a drink, the same drink she held for the first hour, and awkwardly followed Clarke around, standing uncomfortably while Clarke talked to people.

Lexa returned greetings and answered questions, but otherwise stayed silent, sipping at her drink and casting her eyes around the room.

Eventually Clarke lost her, then spotted her in the corner with Murphy. They were talking, neither looking particularly happy but both paying attention to each other. At one point she swore she saw Murphy smile, but it could just as easily been a trick of the light or wind.

Clarke decided to leave her to it, enjoying the party without her new shadow.

A cheer erupted at one point, and Raven walked in, still being able to pull off a saunter despite the brace. She held her hands up, bowing modestly, before finding her way over to Clarke.

“Hey,” she said, hugging her and accepting the drink Octavia forced into her hands. “What’d I miss?”

“Clarke’s got a new best friend,” Octavia said with a grin.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Lexa came.”

“You agreed, then?” Raven said, eyeing Clarke.

“Yeah.”

“Good.” Raven tipped her cup with a smile and knocked it back. “What’s she like?”

“She’s been talking to Murphy for the past forty minutes,” Octavia said, somehow finding a fresh drink for Raven through no detectable movement.

“Seriously?”

“Make’s sense,” said Clarke. “Both are moody assholes.”

Raven’s grin grew slowly. She turned to Octavia. “Did you hear that?”

“I did.” Octavia was grinning too.

“Were you listening to the tone?”

“Couldn’t miss it.”

“Clarke’s fond.”

“Clarke’s so fond.”

Clarke flipped them both off and went to find more alcohol.

//

Anya was still awake when Lexa arrived back in the room, and she sighed deeply as Lexa threw off her shoes.

“I thought I told you to stay out late.”

“It is late.”

When Lexa had found Clarke and told her she was leaving, she had seemed quite sober considering Lexa had watched her fill up her cup many times. Clarke had smiled kindly and offered to leave with her, but Lexa hadn’t wanted to ruin her fun. Clarke suggested breakfast, and they both agreed to meet in the morning.

“Did you have a good time?” Anya asked, watching Lexa closely.

Lexa shrugged. “Yes. They were nice.” She could feel Anya’s eyes on her. “Which you would have known if you’d have come like I asked.”

“You’d have just followed me around the whole time and ignored everyone.”

“Yes. Dodged a bullet there.”

“Did you and Clarke bond?”

“Not really.”

“Lexa,” Anya sighed. “At least make an effort.”

“I went, didn’t I? I even made a friend.”

Lexa had been sceptical about the whole event, but Clarke had looked hopeful when she asked. She wasn’t sure how much anyone knew about her, and had had a brief panic when Octavia said that Lincoln had spoken about her. But Octavia had smiled, told her that Lincoln said a lot of good and nice things, and Lexa had been openly happy about that.

She had followed Clarke around, aware that she was making it awkward, and then spotted a boy that looked about as thrilled to be there as she had. Murphy spent the remaining two hours complaining about things, and she has been more than happy to oblige.

“Me and Clarke are having breakfast tomorrow.” Lexa found her bedclothes and pulled them on.

“You’re seriously getting ready for bed?” Anya sounded exasperated.

“It’s late.”

“It’s half ten.”

“I want to be well rested for breakfast.” She grinned as Anya rolled her eyes.

“You’re boring, Lexa.”

“I am. So are you.”

“I’m old and allowed to be.”

“You’re twenty seven.”

“Exactly.”

“What are you reading?”

“Nothing,” Anya said, visibly shoving a pile of papers under her pillow. “Are you sure you had fun?”

“Yes.”

“And they were nice?”

“Anya.”

“And you were nice?”

“Yes, mom, I made a lot of friends on the playground.”

Anya snorted and held up her hands. “Okay, fine. Excuse me for looking out for you.”

“No one seems to have a bad word to say about Clarke,” Lexa said, lying down and facing Anya, still sitting up on her own bed. “Even Murphy.”

“Who’s Murphy?”

“I told you, I made a friend.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No, he’s kind of weird but okay.”

Anya sighed. “I meant Clarke.”

“Oh. I guess not.”

“Everyone’s got secrets, Lex. And if she’s got any big ones you’ll find out soon enough.”

//

Anya woke to whimpering and looked over to the bed next to her. Lexa faced away from her, body coiled tight and clutching the bedcovers, her face pressed into the pillow.

Anya sat up, turning so she could lean against the wall, and watched Lexa struggle in her sleep. Trying to wake her just made it worse, so instead Anya sat and watched, her own hands gripped into fists, waiting for Lexa to wake on her own.

She did so silently, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. She didn’t cry, but the unshed tears lingered in her eyes.

Without speaking or looking across, Lexa stood and walked to Anya’s bed, slipping under the covers and burying her head into Anya’s stomach. She relaxed a little as Anya placed a hand on her head.

“Do you need something, Lex?” she said teasingly, knowing that seriousness got them nowhere.

Something that sounded like “shut up” was muffled into her stomach, and Anya rearranged them so she could lie down, as close as she could get away with without overwhelming her.

"If she knows my secrets she won't want to drift," Lexa said quietly after a stretch of silence.

Saying that Clarke would still drift was a reassurance Anya didn't know to be true. "You don't know that," she said instead. "Just- spend time with her. Get to know her. Let her know you."

Lexa breathed in like she was going to speak again, but whatever she was going to say didn't come. Anya stayed awake until she felt her relax back into sleep.


End file.
